I had a vision.  About 8 months ago, I had a vision of what my life would be like if I moved.  Left the Bay Area and moved to the suburbs of Phoenix.  It was a lovely, I had such foresight.  So I took it to the next level and decided to make this daydream become a reality.  There is just one problem. It really doesn't look like the way I envisioned it.  In the reverie of my mind, I was rising every morning and going to yoga, then coming home to do some meditation, then working on the next amazing wellness novel, and having an ideal life.

I am one month into this new chapter and here is the reality.  I don't get up every morning and drive my new car to the yoga studio to do yoga.  And that book I wanted to write, well, I don't even know where to begin.  It is funny the attachments we create when we anticipate the future.  Especially a future filled with so much hope and desire.  I remember when I was embarking on this new chapter, a very dear friend warned me, "Don't attach anything to this move, let go of how it should look, and let it unfold".  Of course I said okay, but maybe I really didn't.

I thought I had let go of the "movie" in my head, the vision I had created long ago.  I have only begun this new adventure, a month in and I am ready to be a regular at yoga, be nearly finished on my book, and have paying advertisers on my blog.  Instead, I am taking four different freeways to get to a job, that while I am eternally grateful to have, does not have me wearing lululemon everyday.  So I had to do a re-write. I had to edit the vision to suit the now.

The actuality is that I have only been here for one month and in the job for three weeks.  I have barely learned my way around to be able find the yoga studio much less have time to go four days a week.  I haven't been able to start a book, simply because I can barely get this blog written in a timely manner.  No, the fact of the matter is, I am holding myself to an unrealistic expectation.  The home I am moving into isn't even ready.  I am still residing with my parents and living, basically, out of a suitcase. I am somewhere in between,  I am basically living in the middle.

I also have to look at this last month in retrospect.  Things have been made so easy for me.  Perhaps this is the transition period I needed to decompress from a city life.  What if this period is about re-introducing myself to a different lifestyle, one that I haven't enjoyed in a very long time.  Maybe this is my purgatory, I am right where I am supposed to be.  Life moves a lot slower here and some days I am still going at warp speed.  So maybe this is exactly what is necessary to challenge my city sensibilities.  A necessary evolution.  I have heard said many times, you have to crawl before you can walk.

Thus, I am in transition.  Everyday isn't easy.  There are days when I crave the noise of the city and the feeling of being at peace amongst the chaos.  Those cravings are becoming less and less as I move towards a less chaotic life.  So how can I expect to see the vision of my life come to fruition when that chapter has yet to begin.  I can't project how this new chapter will unfold, it hasn't been cast yet.  I am no longer playing a movie in my head.  I no longer am "seeing" how my life will be. Right now it is more about finding the peace amongst this chaos,  accepting living out of a suitcase or two. Stopping trying so hard and looking for the magic.  It is about finding a balance while living somewhere in the middle.