In matters of health, it seems like we are sometimes conditioned to fear the worst.  As women it really isn't our fault, is it?  When you go to the doctor and they say they want to run tests, what other conclusions are we to draw upon?  Why would they want to run tests if everything is alright?  Sometimes it is the reality of knowing that it is precautionary that eases our minds.  I think about some recent tests I had just before leaving the Bay Area.

I recently moved and decided that my previous doctor's wait and see attitude was not enough to satisfy me.  So I decided to have a minor physical with a new doctor in this new city and see if her attitude is going to better appease me.  Based on some of the results from previous tests, wait and see is not the answer I was looking for.  It could have been, had there been more conversation, but alas there was none.  Not to mention that this new doctor ordered tests necessary to someone with my dietary lifestyle, something the previous doctor knew and ignored.

But it is the circumstances surrounding some tests of someone else I know that made me think I needed to write about this.  Women and doctors, women and certain tests, it is a lot to absorb when you are on the receiving end of THE machine.  The machine in question, the mammogram machine. 

I remember once while living in California I was going for my mammogram and a friend had asked what it was like.  I said it wasn't a big deal unless they call you back in to get more film.  Don't you know that is exactly what happened that day, and that is exactly what happened to my friend today too.  It is such a daunting feeling.  You feel at the mercy of the big x-ray machine.  A machine that  feels like the jaws of life clamping down on your tender breast, smashing it as tightly as possible, until you think there is nothing left to smash and then holding your breath as the picture is taken.  The whole thing takes no time at all, but when one of your extremities is sitting on a machine acting like it has a life of its own, well, you and I both know, it feels like an eternity.

But as I said, that isn't the worst part.  It is the waiting, the hoping, expecting the technician to come in and tell you everything is fine and to get dressed.  But that didn't happen today, not for my friend.  She waited, hoping any minute the tech would come in and say, "get dressed, you can go".  Instead they came in and said, we need to get a few more photos.  Now chances are good nothing is wrong, but as women, we fear the worst. 

You can't turn on the TV these days without seeing something related to breast cancer, and I would guess everyone of us knows someone touched by the disease one way or another.  I think it is safe to say that those two words, breast cancer, are now a normal part of our everyday language.  I know this and so does my friend.  So I understand her fear. 

But what is there really to be afraid of?  Let me say, it is easier for me to say this, not being on the receiving end of the test this time around.  But the reality is, there is nothing to fear.  Fear is simply that which we don't know or understand.  Her fear is based on the unknown, not knowing what to expect.  When it comes to women's issues I sometimes think we expect the worst and hope for the best.  I would imagine that is the normal reaction for most of us.  I too would be no less afraid, and I know because I have been there.  Many of us have.

I think the missing piece for my friend and for all women is bravery.  It isn't easy.  Going in and baring it all, having the little sticker stuck on you as if you are an inanimate object.  Then having them pull and tug on you to get you in just the right position before lowering the boom, so to speak.   And then to repeat the process on the other side, all the while thinking of anything except for what you are doing in that moment.  And then waiting, and waiting, and maybe even more waiting before being told you can go.  But for us women, it doesn't end there.  It is the agonizing two weeks waiting for the results. 

Yes bravery definitely comes to mind when I think about the whole mammogram process.  From the moment we disrobe until we get our results.  We endure a lot, we go through a wide range of emotions.  But we do come out the other side a little better for it.  My friends courage is inspiring, the courage of all women is inspiring.  Like some women I put off getting my mammogram.  It is simply something I don't want to face, ever.  I do know it is necessary, one of those things in life that we simply must do.  Perhaps my friend's act of fortitude will give me the courage I need to go and have mine done.  And just like the millions of women that sit and wait, I too will wait, and hope I hear the words....."get dressed, you can go".